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We Are Womentum – Celebrate Your Magic

The end of the year is a natural time to look back and take stock of everything that's happened in the past twelve months: successes, heartaches, and fears all included. I started this year by challenging everyone in our community to identify one brave action that would constitute a big win, be it personal, professional, or otherwise. I was incredibly inspired by all of your courage and aspirations, and I spent the year trying to find and complete my own such mission. So on this episode, I glance back at the last year and let you see behind the curtain of my own experience. Even though this was one of my happiest years ever, I still had moments of insecurity and downright fear. But I'm sure you all did, too - and this episode is about celebrating all of the unique ways we can get where we're going. The "negative" emotions we sometimes experience along the way don't always mean something bad, and in my case they were mile markers on the way to some pretty big breakthroughs. Finally, I hope you all have had a wonderful year, and that this episode provides some incentive for you to celebrate all the growth you've made since last January. Click "play" below to check it out. And as always, you can reach out to me via email at lana@wearewomentum.com. What You'll Learn From this Episode: How I recognized and recovered from a momentary slip into a self-defeating state of mind. The thread that flowed through my entire year (one of the best yet) which led to me accomplishing a lifelong dream. How friends and community can help you push through doubt and fear so you can fulfill your reason for being here. Why you should keep fighting the urge to compare yourself to others. The gratitude ritual that helps me stay present and thankful for what I've got right now. Featured on the Show: Christina Workman of Amethyst Answers We Are Womentum – On Comparison Listen to the Full Episode: Enjoy The Show? Don't miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes, Stitcher or RSS. Leave us a review in iTunes Join the conversation by leaving a comment below!


We Are Womentum – Am I An Introvert?

The discussion around labeling ourselves can be confusing. Is it bad to be labeled because it restricts us? Or do these labels help us understand ourselves better? Of course, the truth is that both of these outlooks on labels can be true. The question then becomes, how do you know when a label is serving you and when it's holding you back? Today on We Are Womentum, I'm joined by a close friend and Womentum facilitator Clarissa Kahn. Clarissa is a self-proclaimed lifelong introvert - at least until recently. Clarissa and I got on the subject of introversion recently at the We Are Womentum retreat. We've been spending a lot of time together during the retreat and thought that we may need some time alone to recharge - but it turned out we didn't. We began to question whether or not we were real introverts, and this conversation was born. I don't want to give away all of Clarissa’s wisdom here, but I will say that we talk about the power of labels, how to understand when they might be keeping you from realizing your truth, and how to move forward when you recognize that those labels no longer fit. Click "play" below to check it out. As always, you can reach out to me via email at lana@wearewomentum.com. What You'll Learn From this Episode: How Clarissa realized that she may not be as introverted as she'd always told herself. How introversion and self-care are intimately linked. Why it's critical to get comfortable with saying "no" to things you don't want to do, introvert or not. How Clarissa learned to check in with herself about whether she was doing things that challenged her sense of freedom. How to decide whether you're introverted or not. Why you shouldn't feel bad if you're not living your label - and why that should be a trigger for self-examination. How to practice spending your energy as consciously as you spend your money. Featured on the Show: Clarissa Kahn Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking Listen to the Full Episode: Enjoy The Show? Don't miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes, Stitcher or RSS. Leave us a review in iTunes Join the conversation by leaving a comment below!


We Are Womentum – The Big Lie

For one reason or another, so many of us indulge in self-abuse by telling ourselves stories that keep us small. These lies that we accept as truths are constantly running on autopilot in the background (or even foreground) of our minds. So how do we stop abusing ourselves with these untruths that impact us in such a negative way? On this episode of We Are Womentum, we have a special treat for you. Today, I’m talking to a very good friend of mine, Shandra Carlson. Shandra is a facilitator at Womentum, as well as the co-facilitator of our upcoming program, The Big Lie. I invited Shandra to talk about the topic of "The Big Lie" and how it came to be to give you some insight into the stories that we tell ourselves that keep us small. She also shares how a recent Big Lie conversation has affected her life and what she has done differently since then. Don’t miss this incredible opportunity to find out how you can move forward into your truth, grow into a version of yourself that’s bigger than yourself, and impact the people around you. You can find out more about and sign up for our upcoming The Big Lie program here. And if you have any questions about the program, you can reach out to me via email at lana@wearewomentum.com. What You'll Learn From this Episode: How a story Shandra told herself about making a comment at an event impacted her thinking about herself. How that story changed after hearing feedback about her comment. The importance of having others around you who can help you see what you can’t see about yourself. How finding your Big Lie can help you find your purpose. How to build up your “belief muscle” to help you get over the lies you tell yourself. What The Big Lie program is all about and what you can get out of it. How you can sign up for out upcoming The Big Lie program. Featured on the Show: Shandra Carlson The Big Lie Program - Info and Registration | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram Listen to the Full Episode: Enjoy The Show? Don't miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes, Stitcher or RSS. Leave us a review in iTunes Join the conversation by leaving a comment below!


We Are Womentum – On Comparison

One of the huge challenges that women come up against every day is comparison. Even if we show up to the outside world as having all of our ducks in the row – we fit in, we have a perfect house and great clothes, we’re gregarious, popular, successful – in reality, many of us still feel insecure, inadequate, or even like frauds or imposters. On this episode of the We Are Womentum podcast, we take a deep dive into the topic of comparison and analyze how it affects us on a daily basis. I share my personal story of how measuring my success and achievements against the success of others got me into a world of mental anguish, made me feel defeated, and almost made me give up a beautiful opportunity that someone has lovingly presented to me. Listen as I share some actionable tips from myself and our incredible community members on how you can stop comparing yourself to others, or even your younger self, and turn this form of self-abuse and avenue for self-loathing to your advantage. Make sure to grab the Comparison Tips and Tricks downloadable PDF with some useful reminders that you can draw upon if you get triggered into comparison. If you would like to connect, please reach out to me at Lana@wearewomentum.com. What You'll Learn From this Episode: The detrimental effects that comparison can have on women on a daily basis. My story of how comparing myself to others almost caused me to give an incredible opportunity. Amazing insights shared by our community members on the topic of comparison. Tips for kicking the habit of comparing yourself to others. How taking inventory of ourselves through others can be useful. Featured on the Show: Grab your Comparison Tips and Tricks downloadable PDF Tanya Geisler Christa Workman  Stephanie Pollock WeAreWomentum.com Connect with me at Lana@wearewomentum.com Listen to the Full Episode: Enjoy The Show? Don't miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes, Stitcher or RSS. Leave us a review in iTunes Join the conversation by leaving a comment below!


We Are Womentum – Silent Agreements

On this episode of the We Are Womentum podcast, we tackle the topic that touches many romantic relationships, friendships, and even parenting relationships, and causes people to drift apart, seemingly, for no reason. It’s one of the things that runs in the background of our relationships in which both people know what’s going on and no one talks about them, brings them up, or asks for anything to be different – the Silent Agreements. Join us as share my personal story and experience with silent agreements in my relationship, causing it to fracture, and lay out the steps I’m taking to get rid of them for good. Tune in to find out what you need to do in order to have fulfilling relationships in your life and surround yourself with people you love and function cohesively with. Click here to grab your worksheet that will help you discover where your own silent agreements show up, how they are affecting you and  your relationships, and now you can renegotiate them with love. If you have a story of silent agreements to share with us and what has worked with you renegotiating them, please reach out to me at Lana@wearewomentum.com. What You'll Learn From this Episode: What silent agreements are all about. Why they can be highly damaging to relationships. How people enter these silent agreements and why they are afraid to break them. My challenge to you that that will help you fill your life with fulfilling relationships and lead a life you desire. Featured on the Show: Grab your free worksheet to help you discover where your own silent agreements show up WeAreWomentum.com Connect with me at Lana@wearewomentum.com Listen to the Full Episode: Enjoy The Show? Don't miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes, Stitcher or RSS. Leave us a review in iTunes Join the conversation by leaving a comment below!


We Are Womentum – THE Conversation

Welcome to the third episode of the We Are Womentum podcast! (recorded on location at our Annual Facilator's Retreat in Canmore, Alberta) So many of us are wasting time of our lives being angry, resentful, or are following a story that isn’t helpful or in alignment with how we truly want to show up in the world. This week, I share the story of how being wronged and deeply hurt by someone 26 years ago has changed how I saw myself as a person. It made me feel unworthy, unlovable, not treasured, and easy to leave. In this episode, I talk about two questions and a conversation that literally changed my life.  Listen in to discover how you too can release the resentment or need to be right and let the magic within you “bust out” and magnify your greatness! If you have a conversation that has changed your life or belief systems that were holding you back, please reach out to me at Lana@wearewomentum.com. What You'll Learn From this Episode: How being wronged at 16 years old impacted my life and my relationships for years to come. A conversation with my wise girlfriend that changed my perspective on the situation that made me feel like I’m not good enough. How I was able to change my belief  systems in a way that served me. One of the most life-altering 5 minutes of my life . How you too can release resentment or anger and move forward with your life. Featured on the Show: WeAreWomentum.com Connect with me at Lana@wearewomentum.com Listen to the Full Episode: Enjoy The Show? Don't miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes, Stitcher or RSS. Leave us a review in iTunes Join the conversation by leaving a comment below!


Right

I had an epiphany about a month ago. To be right. This is how I have lived my entire life. Living to prove myself right. I believed that I wasn’t good enough. I looked for proof that was true and, sure enough, I found it. I believed that I wasn’t worth sticking around for. I got into relationships with men and friends that helped that belief stick, because they didn’t. I believed that my values were the most important. I was able to find others who had different values, and I could make them wrong instead of exploring my own position to see if what I thought was important to me was still true. I recently looked back 26 years to a defining moment in my life. This moment in time was pivotal in how I decided my value in the world. I gave it tremendous meaning. I’ve carried the hurt and anger it brought up in me around for all of these years. I blamed the person that I believed had wronged me. I have blamed them for twenty six years. Just thinking about that exhausts me. In blaming them, I’ve been allowed to be right all this time. In putting the meaning of what happened between us on the highest shelf of importance, I created a system for my life in which I was able to prove myself right every single day. I was committed to my story of “no worth”, because I had to be right. To let that go may mean that I was wrong. And there was no room for that. I found situations that proved I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t worth being loyal to, wasn’t worth sticking it out for. I would experience my values being stepped on. I was being abused and used. And I got to be right. My epiphany was this.... Being right keeps us safe. It prevents intimacy. It lacks substance. It eliminates any room for new ideas. It steals the opportunity to love others for who they are. The need to be right ruins relationships. It keeps us small. It removes the oxygen from life and love. Being right is boring and lonely. I realized that I really didn’t want or need to be right anymore. I don’t need to be safe, if it means making others feel unsafe, or wrong. I crave and deserve intimacy and substance. I’m curious about myself & others and want to grow as a human being. I choose to love others unconditionally. My relationships are so important to me. I want them to be strengthened. I am so much bigger than being right allows me. It’s time to breathe. There was a moment in a coffee shop, about a month ago, when I was retelling my 26 year old story and blaming the other person from that past experience, for making me believe I wasn’t worthy of love. My friend asked me a question that changed my outlook. She asked “Is the meaning you gave this moment true?" And “Have you given the other person the room to show up any differently in the present than how you have portrayed them for all of these years?” My stomach dropped. I realized that in my need to be right, I had made this person so wrong. They were just being who they were 26 years ago. I’d changed, why was I not allowing the possibility for them to be different? I had expected them to always show up in the way that I remember, and treated them as if they always did. Even if they treated me differently, better, in the present. The days and weeks that followed found me slowly letting go of the need to be right about everything. It saw me making amends with the past, and falling back in love with my life and everyone in it. Including anyone who had ever done me wrong, disagreed with me or left me. In letting go of the need to be right, I felt the following; unsafe, but so excited connected in intimacy with myself and others depth and substance love and acceptance for others the joy of a repaired & renewed relationship expansiveness fully alive not at all bored, or lonely. LOVE Something shifted in me recently. I feel lighter. I feel connected to myself and to that person from the past in such a way now that feels like true love. And I will live my life from that place of pure love. For myself and others. And, if I absolutely, positively have to be right, then let it be about love. It exists, it expands, it allows. Let me look for proof and evidence of that. Being In Love is so much better than being right. Every Single Time.


ASS*U*ME

“Assuming makes an ass out of you and me”  ~ Unknown I had a really interesting conversation last week with a dear friend of mine. We were sitting in the car debriefing our night and she confessed something truly important to me. I’m sharing this because her courage was a bridge to deepening our friendship.  She shared a few things with me that shone a light on my impact on her, and potentially others, and we were able to get clear with the truth so we could move forward in our friendship. It was very powerful. She and I had both made assumptions about the other, and our relationship. And they were bubbling just beneath the surface. If she hadn’t had the bravery to speak her truth to me, we’d have gone on the way we had.....a great friendship, based on mutual shared interests, but lacking the fullness that had been hijacked by these assumptions. Without getting too detailed, she shared the following with me; *She wanted to spend more time with me, but assumed that I didn’t really have any extra time because I was busy with my 2 businesses and had so many friends already. *Months back, She had expressed an interest in being involved in Womentum, and I hadn’t really followed up with her. Because of that, she figured that it was because I didn’t think she had what it took to be a part of our groups. It left her feeling like she had nothing to offer. Wow. When I considered the potential fall out from these 2 assumptions, I was saddened. By her believing that I didn’t have time for her, we likely haven’t spent as much time together as we could have. By her feeling as if she didn’t fit into Womentum, I was feeding an unhelpful belief about herself that spoke about not being a value to others. You can imagine it was a wake up call, for sure. Here is the truth, from my side. {big “about to share something truly vulnerable” breath}.... I facilitate groups of women in connection so you would think that I spend all of my extra time hanging out with them. There are over 30 women in our Womentum community, AND I only have a handful of friends that I spend time with, from the community and outside of it. From the outside, it may seem that I am a social butterfly, flitting this way and that, to hang out with my all of my besties. Truth is, I’m an introvert by nature. I love my time alone. I am not out every night of the week, or every weekend with my friends. I don’t see my close friends nearly enough. As far as her membership in Womentum goes, one of the truths is that we haven’t figured out how to accommodate newcomers part way through the year, or when we have a smaller than usual waiting list. My error was that I never explained this to her because I hate not knowing the answer to those kinds of challenges (there is shame attached to this for me). AND the bigger truth in this is that because she is a good friend, I was also afraid that she might not like Womentum (what’s not to like?!) and that she wouldn’t find it valuable to her. My fear of losing her as a friend if things did not work out outweighed my ability to take a risk. By trying to protect our friendship, I had damaged it. All because of assumptions.  I assumed she knew my personality, and that I only have a handful of friends I spend time with. I assumed she was up to speed on what was happening with our groups, the inner workings of my business, and how valuable our friendship is to me. How would she possibly know any of that? It’s crazy to assume that people know the inner workings of our lives unless we tell them. Because she cares about me, and our friendship, she approached me with her experience of the situations and, in doing so, created further depth in our relationship. Every day we make assumptions about why someone hasn’t texted us back, why someone said something the way they did, or why they are behaving a certain way. Social media has given us a stage in which we can portray an inaccurate picture of our life, and even if we are being 100% authentic, some may still make assumptions based on the information they have available to them at the time. Sadly, I’ve even witnessed relationship drama and, sometimes,  the dissolution of friendships due to unchecked assumptions. Unchecked assumptions get in the way of our connections to others. Sharing our truths give opportunity to deepen our understanding of one another and create trust, truth and depth in our relationships. A great deal of relief can be found in checking in with others about what you may be assuming about them, their relationship with you, a circumstance that you shared but may not have resolved. I’m so grateful for my friend, and her commitment to me and our relationship. In her sharing with me, I felt truly valued and loved. I hope you’ll all take an opportunity to uncover where assumptions may be hijacking your relationships. Where are you making assumptions? Is there someone in your life you can check in with and find out the truth?


You May Be Living a Big Lie

This past month at Womentum we revealed our "biggest lie". For the purpose of this exercise, the biggest lie is/was the story, tape or nonsense we play over and over in our head and, in most cases, it has hijacked our happiness and gets in the way of our purpose. We asked our members to complete the following statements: The biggest lie I tell myself is..... This idea came from…. Do I want to ditch/keep or reframe it? Can you think of a story or falsehood that is keeping you small in the world? Let me share mine. It’s the story that has run my life for so long. It's the belief that gets in the way of me being bright and big. I'm In The Way. Let me say that again. I live my life as if I'm in the Way. Regardless of where this belief came from, it is not serving me. At all. Unless only to keep me "safe" (and that's a lie, too) Here's how that story has played out for me in my life.... I've often put others dreams ahead of my own I've attracted partners or friends that didn't truly hear or see me I've passed on opportunities, when felt called “to the front”, because I thought others were more deserving, brave or outgoing, or that I'd be an inconvenience.  I've been annoyed, jealous and resentful of others who take the opportunities that I passed up because of the fear of inconveniencing others or stealing their chance My expectations are often overlooked, because my requests or boundaries sounded more like questions than statements The list goes on.... In believing our own lies, we practice our lives "as if" the lie is true. And, practice makes perfect, doesn't it? I've perfected the lie of "I'm in the Way" so much that I get exactly what I expect. I get to stay small, invisible, out of the way of rejection, a martyr….. We've been told that lying is bad. So, why do we continue to lie to ourselves? Now that I'm acutely aware of this story that is working against me, I'm ready to ditch it. Sounds easy, but it takes practice. It's taken me over 40 years of practicing playing small, invisible, not important, so I suspect it will take some dedicated effort to practice what is actually true. I went to an event the day after revealing my lie for the first time and, even though I made a promise to myself to be bold, I fell into the old habit of disappearing. I kinda screwed up. But, I love myself enough to continue to practice the truth. Which brings me to the next, and more important part of the conversation we had in our groups: What I know to be true is.... I know this because.... (this is important - it's crucial to take note of the ways the truth shows up in our lives) After our groups had time to reflect upon these statements, the conversation that ensued was absolutely fascinating. For the most part, what people shared as the "truth" was in direct opposition to the lie they have been acting out, and was more in line with how others experienced us. In fact, the lie we confessed often confused our closest allies. In my case, it was shared with me that people want me around and were always eager to hear my voice and ideas. In fact, some knew there is something bigger in me, and were often frustrated by my "hiding". What I know to be true is that I create success in everything I attempt in my life. I also know that I have a positive impact on those in my life. That is pretty hard to do if I'm in the Way, isn't it? I've let the lie overpower the truth, as I'm sure many of you have. The truth tends to confidently whisper, while it's obnoxious and insecure cousin, the lie, must use a megaphone to get it's message across. It's hard to hear the whisper when we are being shouted at. It's time to listen to the whisper and begin practicing what we know to be true. It’s time be begin practicing what others know to be true so that we can fully live into the truth. I encourage you to take a look at how your lies and truths are leading your life. Consider asking yourself to journal using the following prompts; The biggest lie I tell myself is..... This idea came from…. Do I want to ditch/keep or reframe it? What I know to be true is....  I know this because.... It would be insightful to do this exercise with someone else, so you can get and give feedback, and deepen your connections. The feedback you'll receive can also be very enlightening. It may help you hear and lock in the truth. Are you ready to stop living a lie? Are you ready to begin practicing the truth? We’d love to hear about your biggest lie, and how you plan to begin taking small steps to practicing yourself into your true life’s happiness, purpose and experience.


Following the Seasons – A Different Approach to New Year’s Resolutions

This week’s blog post comes to you from Womentum member, Katrein Ruehmland, who we introduced you to a few weeks ago through a Q & A Following the Seasons: A Different Approach to New Year's Resolutions In the past, most (or all) of my New Year’s resolutions/intentions have either faltered or faded away by February. Because of this, I am trying something different this year. I could have done away with resolutions/intentions completely, but I am choosing to change my approach instead. What if the energy of the season affected the success or failure of my resolutions/intentions? I am not saying that it’s impossible to achieve great success or change during this time of year. But if you are struggling with your resolutions/intentions, this might be an alternative. Last year, on the first day of fall, I was feeling the strong energetic pull of the season. I wanted to tidy things up, tie up any loose ends, slow down my social schedule, say NO way more often than I was used to, and get ready for winter. For stillness and quiet, going to ground, moving slower, doing less, resting and recharging my batteries. For the record, going slow and doing less is not part of my natural makeup. I am a DO-ER. I wear my to-do list, my productivity, and my busyness like merit badges. I don’t like to slow down. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that slowing down was exactly what I needed. When New Year’ Eve came around this year, I was already feeling post-holiday burnout and the upcoming Mercury Retrograde. So, instead of thinking up a grand plan and trying to implement big changes on January 1st, I chose to experiment and try something different. I wanted to honour the energy of winter and incorporate the five steps of transformational change. Step back. (Overview & Assessment) I got quiet and asked, “What is working well in my life? What do I want to let go of? What do I want to experience more of? How do I want to be this year? What do I really want and what is important about that?”I checked in, sat with myself, and made lots of notes. And, because the Universe knows me so well, I caught two back to back colds and one sinus infection in January, to make sure I did stop and reflect. I had no choice but to slow down, do less, rest, and allow more time and space to the process. AND I limited my list to five items: Financial health; physical health; following my curiosity; being in alignment with my integrity; and releasing shame. Let go. (Create Space) In order to have the change I want, I needed to create space for growth and change. Instead of trying to add more to a busy life, what did I need to get rid of first?Taking the time for this step, and following through, was not easy. However, the less I have engaged in “doing”, the easier it has been to let go of mental, emotional, and physical clutter. I’m inside anyway, so why wait for spring to clear out my space? Say yes to self. (Receive) By letting go and creating space, I now have room to receive what I need to support the experience or change I want. Think of it as creating a foundation. My foundation includes a morning ritual of meditating, journaling, hot water with lemon. It also includes taking a Get Out of Debt course to improve my money habits and working with a holistic practitioner to improve my health. Take empowered action. (Express)Being more contemplative and reflective instead of reactive is stretching my comfort zone, so I am splitting this step into two parts. This winter I will think about what I want my empowered action steps to be and then implement those steps in the spring. When I start to take those steps, I will be mindful to follow my own pace, not someone else’s agenda or timeline. Set up accountability. (Support & Stretch) I like to do things by myself, but having people in my corner that support and gently stretch me is a blessing. I am so thankful to have a money coach, a holistic practitioner, my Womentum group, and a coaching mastermind group to share my process and ask for help I need it. By trying this different approach, I am discovering why my past resolutions failed. I didn’t get clear as to why I wanted the change I wanted. I didn’t create space for the change I wanted. I didn’t create a foundation to support change. I didn’t have a support network. I tried to implement change in a season when my energy levels are naturally lower. I am working on being patient with the timing and with myself. I am also working on embracing the coziness and quiet of winter and be mindful and aware of when my natural habit of trying to do too much wants to take over. This winter I will look for the blessings and the light in the darkness, and remember that the days are getting brighter from here on out. Curious about how Katrein's new approach is working? If you enjoyed this post, you can find Katrein on Instagram @katreinr. In February, she will be doing a daily post of things she adores and appreciates. Katrein Ruehmland is a Master Certified Coach, Torch Songstress, and Clairaudient. To find out more, please visit www.katreinr.com & www.katrein.ca


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