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We Are Womentum – Silent Agreements

On this episode of the We Are Womentum podcast, we tackle the topic that touches many romantic relationships, friendships, and even parenting relationships, and causes people to drift apart, seemingly, for no reason. It’s one of the things that runs in the background of our relationships in which both people know what’s going on and no one talks about them, brings them up, or asks for anything to be different – the Silent Agreements. Join us as share my personal story and experience with silent agreements in my relationship, causing it to fracture, and lay out the steps I’m taking to get rid of them for good. Tune in to find out what you need to do in order to have fulfilling relationships in your life and surround yourself with people you love and function cohesively with. Click here to grab your worksheet that will help you discover where your own silent agreements show up, how they are affecting you and  your relationships, and now you can renegotiate them with love. If you have a story of silent agreements to share with us and what has worked with you renegotiating them, please reach out to me at Lana@wearewomentum.com. What You'll Learn From this Episode: What silent agreements are all about. Why they can be highly damaging to relationships. How people enter these silent agreements and why they are afraid to break them. My challenge to you that that will help you fill your life with fulfilling relationships and lead a life you desire. Featured on the Show: Grab your free worksheet to help you discover where your own silent agreements show up WeAreWomentum.com Connect with me at Lana@wearewomentum.com Listen to the Full Episode: Enjoy The Show? Don't miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes, Stitcher or RSS. Leave us a review in iTunes Join the conversation by leaving a comment below!


We Are Womentum – THE Conversation

Welcome to the third episode of the We Are Womentum podcast! (recorded on location at our Annual Facilator's Retreat in Canmore, Alberta) So many of us are wasting time of our lives being angry, resentful, or are following a story that isn’t helpful or in alignment with how we truly want to show up in the world. This week, I share the story of how being wronged and deeply hurt by someone 26 years ago has changed how I saw myself as a person. It made me feel unworthy, unlovable, not treasured, and easy to leave. In this episode, I talk about two questions and a conversation that literally changed my life.  Listen in to discover how you too can release the resentment or need to be right and let the magic within you “bust out” and magnify your greatness! If you have a conversation that has changed your life or belief systems that were holding you back, please reach out to me at Lana@wearewomentum.com. What You'll Learn From this Episode: How being wronged at 16 years old impacted my life and my relationships for years to come. A conversation with my wise girlfriend that changed my perspective on the situation that made me feel like I’m not good enough. How I was able to change my belief  systems in a way that served me. One of the most life-altering 5 minutes of my life . How you too can release resentment or anger and move forward with your life. Featured on the Show: WeAreWomentum.com Connect with me at Lana@wearewomentum.com Listen to the Full Episode: Enjoy The Show? Don't miss an episode, subscribe via iTunes, Stitcher or RSS. Leave us a review in iTunes Join the conversation by leaving a comment below!


Right

I had an epiphany about a month ago. To be right. This is how I have lived my entire life. Living to prove myself right. I believed that I wasn’t good enough. I looked for proof that was true and, sure enough, I found it. I believed that I wasn’t worth sticking around for. I got into relationships with men and friends that helped that belief stick, because they didn’t. I believed that my values were the most important. I was able to find others who had different values, and I could make them wrong instead of exploring my own position to see if what I thought was important to me was still true. I recently looked back 26 years to a defining moment in my life. This moment in time was pivotal in how I decided my value in the world. I gave it tremendous meaning. I’ve carried the hurt and anger it brought up in me around for all of these years. I blamed the person that I believed had wronged me. I have blamed them for twenty six years. Just thinking about that exhausts me. In blaming them, I’ve been allowed to be right all this time. In putting the meaning of what happened between us on the highest shelf of importance, I created a system for my life in which I was able to prove myself right every single day. I was committed to my story of “no worth”, because I had to be right. To let that go may mean that I was wrong. And there was no room for that. I found situations that proved I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t worth being loyal to, wasn’t worth sticking it out for. I would experience my values being stepped on. I was being abused and used. And I got to be right. My epiphany was this.... Being right keeps us safe. It prevents intimacy. It lacks substance. It eliminates any room for new ideas. It steals the opportunity to love others for who they are. The need to be right ruins relationships. It keeps us small. It removes the oxygen from life and love. Being right is boring and lonely. I realized that I really didn’t want or need to be right anymore. I don’t need to be safe, if it means making others feel unsafe, or wrong. I crave and deserve intimacy and substance. I’m curious about myself & others and want to grow as a human being. I choose to love others unconditionally. My relationships are so important to me. I want them to be strengthened. I am so much bigger than being right allows me. It’s time to breathe. There was a moment in a coffee shop, about a month ago, when I was retelling my 26 year old story and blaming the other person from that past experience, for making me believe I wasn’t worthy of love. My friend asked me a question that changed my outlook. She asked “Is the meaning you gave this moment true?" And “Have you given the other person the room to show up any differently in the present than how you have portrayed them for all of these years?” My stomach dropped. I realized that in my need to be right, I had made this person so wrong. They were just being who they were 26 years ago. I’d changed, why was I not allowing the possibility for them to be different? I had expected them to always show up in the way that I remember, and treated them as if they always did. Even if they treated me differently, better, in the present. The days and weeks that followed found me slowly letting go of the need to be right about everything. It saw me making amends with the past, and falling back in love with my life and everyone in it. Including anyone who had ever done me wrong, disagreed with me or left me. In letting go of the need to be right, I felt the following; unsafe, but so excited connected in intimacy with myself and others depth and substance love and acceptance for others the joy of a repaired & renewed relationship expansiveness fully alive not at all bored, or lonely. LOVE Something shifted in me recently. I feel lighter. I feel connected to myself and to that person from the past in such a way now that feels like true love. And I will live my life from that place of pure love. For myself and others. And, if I absolutely, positively have to be right, then let it be about love. It exists, it expands, it allows. Let me look for proof and evidence of that. Being In Love is so much better than being right. Every Single Time.


ASS*U*ME

“Assuming makes an ass out of you and me”  ~ Unknown I had a really interesting conversation last week with a dear friend of mine. We were sitting in the car debriefing our night and she confessed something truly important to me. I’m sharing this because her courage was a bridge to deepening our friendship.  She shared a few things with me that shone a light on my impact on her, and potentially others, and we were able to get clear with the truth so we could move forward in our friendship. It was very powerful. She and I had both made assumptions about the other, and our relationship. And they were bubbling just beneath the surface. If she hadn’t had the bravery to speak her truth to me, we’d have gone on the way we had.....a great friendship, based on mutual shared interests, but lacking the fullness that had been hijacked by these assumptions. Without getting too detailed, she shared the following with me; *She wanted to spend more time with me, but assumed that I didn’t really have any extra time because I was busy with my 2 businesses and had so many friends already. *Months back, She had expressed an interest in being involved in Womentum, and I hadn’t really followed up with her. Because of that, she figured that it was because I didn’t think she had what it took to be a part of our groups. It left her feeling like she had nothing to offer. Wow. When I considered the potential fall out from these 2 assumptions, I was saddened. By her believing that I didn’t have time for her, we likely haven’t spent as much time together as we could have. By her feeling as if she didn’t fit into Womentum, I was feeding an unhelpful belief about herself that spoke about not being a value to others. You can imagine it was a wake up call, for sure. Here is the truth, from my side. {big “about to share something truly vulnerable” breath}.... I facilitate groups of women in connection so you would think that I spend all of my extra time hanging out with them. There are over 30 women in our Womentum community, AND I only have a handful of friends that I spend time with, from the community and outside of it. From the outside, it may seem that I am a social butterfly, flitting this way and that, to hang out with my all of my besties. Truth is, I’m an introvert by nature. I love my time alone. I am not out every night of the week, or every weekend with my friends. I don’t see my close friends nearly enough. As far as her membership in Womentum goes, one of the truths is that we haven’t figured out how to accommodate newcomers part way through the year, or when we have a smaller than usual waiting list. My error was that I never explained this to her because I hate not knowing the answer to those kinds of challenges (there is shame attached to this for me). AND the bigger truth in this is that because she is a good friend, I was also afraid that she might not like Womentum (what’s not to like?!) and that she wouldn’t find it valuable to her. My fear of losing her as a friend if things did not work out outweighed my ability to take a risk. By trying to protect our friendship, I had damaged it. All because of assumptions.  I assumed she knew my personality, and that I only have a handful of friends I spend time with. I assumed she was up to speed on what was happening with our groups, the inner workings of my business, and how valuable our friendship is to me. How would she possibly know any of that? It’s crazy to assume that people know the inner workings of our lives unless we tell them. Because she cares about me, and our friendship, she approached me with her experience of the situations and, in doing so, created further depth in our relationship. Every day we make assumptions about why someone hasn’t texted us back, why someone said something the way they did, or why they are behaving a certain way. Social media has given us a stage in which we can portray an inaccurate picture of our life, and even if we are being 100% authentic, some may still make assumptions based on the information they have available to them at the time. Sadly, I’ve even witnessed relationship drama and, sometimes,  the dissolution of friendships due to unchecked assumptions. Unchecked assumptions get in the way of our connections to others. Sharing our truths give opportunity to deepen our understanding of one another and create trust, truth and depth in our relationships. A great deal of relief can be found in checking in with others about what you may be assuming about them, their relationship with you, a circumstance that you shared but may not have resolved. I’m so grateful for my friend, and her commitment to me and our relationship. In her sharing with me, I felt truly valued and loved. I hope you’ll all take an opportunity to uncover where assumptions may be hijacking your relationships. Where are you making assumptions? Is there someone in your life you can check in with and find out the truth?


You May Be Living a Big Lie

This past month at Womentum we revealed our "biggest lie". For the purpose of this exercise, the biggest lie is/was the story, tape or nonsense we play over and over in our head and, in most cases, it has hijacked our happiness and gets in the way of our purpose. We asked our members to complete the following statements: The biggest lie I tell myself is..... This idea came from…. Do I want to ditch/keep or reframe it? Can you think of a story or falsehood that is keeping you small in the world? Let me share mine. It’s the story that has run my life for so long. It's the belief that gets in the way of me being bright and big. I'm In The Way. Let me say that again. I live my life as if I'm in the Way. Regardless of where this belief came from, it is not serving me. At all. Unless only to keep me "safe" (and that's a lie, too) Here's how that story has played out for me in my life.... I've often put others dreams ahead of my own I've attracted partners or friends that didn't truly hear or see me I've passed on opportunities, when felt called “to the front”, because I thought others were more deserving, brave or outgoing, or that I'd be an inconvenience.  I've been annoyed, jealous and resentful of others who take the opportunities that I passed up because of the fear of inconveniencing others or stealing their chance My expectations are often overlooked, because my requests or boundaries sounded more like questions than statements The list goes on.... In believing our own lies, we practice our lives "as if" the lie is true. And, practice makes perfect, doesn't it? I've perfected the lie of "I'm in the Way" so much that I get exactly what I expect. I get to stay small, invisible, out of the way of rejection, a martyr….. We've been told that lying is bad. So, why do we continue to lie to ourselves? Now that I'm acutely aware of this story that is working against me, I'm ready to ditch it. Sounds easy, but it takes practice. It's taken me over 40 years of practicing playing small, invisible, not important, so I suspect it will take some dedicated effort to practice what is actually true. I went to an event the day after revealing my lie for the first time and, even though I made a promise to myself to be bold, I fell into the old habit of disappearing. I kinda screwed up. But, I love myself enough to continue to practice the truth. Which brings me to the next, and more important part of the conversation we had in our groups: What I know to be true is.... I know this because.... (this is important - it's crucial to take note of the ways the truth shows up in our lives) After our groups had time to reflect upon these statements, the conversation that ensued was absolutely fascinating. For the most part, what people shared as the "truth" was in direct opposition to the lie they have been acting out, and was more in line with how others experienced us. In fact, the lie we confessed often confused our closest allies. In my case, it was shared with me that people want me around and were always eager to hear my voice and ideas. In fact, some knew there is something bigger in me, and were often frustrated by my "hiding". What I know to be true is that I create success in everything I attempt in my life. I also know that I have a positive impact on those in my life. That is pretty hard to do if I'm in the Way, isn't it? I've let the lie overpower the truth, as I'm sure many of you have. The truth tends to confidently whisper, while it's obnoxious and insecure cousin, the lie, must use a megaphone to get it's message across. It's hard to hear the whisper when we are being shouted at. It's time to listen to the whisper and begin practicing what we know to be true. It’s time be begin practicing what others know to be true so that we can fully live into the truth. I encourage you to take a look at how your lies and truths are leading your life. Consider asking yourself to journal using the following prompts; The biggest lie I tell myself is..... This idea came from…. Do I want to ditch/keep or reframe it? What I know to be true is....  I know this because.... It would be insightful to do this exercise with someone else, so you can get and give feedback, and deepen your connections. The feedback you'll receive can also be very enlightening. It may help you hear and lock in the truth. Are you ready to stop living a lie? Are you ready to begin practicing the truth? We’d love to hear about your biggest lie, and how you plan to begin taking small steps to practicing yourself into your true life’s happiness, purpose and experience.


Following the Seasons – A Different Approach to New Year’s Resolutions

This week’s blog post comes to you from Womentum member, Katrein Ruehmland, who we introduced you to a few weeks ago through a Q & A Following the Seasons: A Different Approach to New Year's Resolutions In the past, most (or all) of my New Year’s resolutions/intentions have either faltered or faded away by February. Because of this, I am trying something different this year. I could have done away with resolutions/intentions completely, but I am choosing to change my approach instead. What if the energy of the season affected the success or failure of my resolutions/intentions? I am not saying that it’s impossible to achieve great success or change during this time of year. But if you are struggling with your resolutions/intentions, this might be an alternative. Last year, on the first day of fall, I was feeling the strong energetic pull of the season. I wanted to tidy things up, tie up any loose ends, slow down my social schedule, say NO way more often than I was used to, and get ready for winter. For stillness and quiet, going to ground, moving slower, doing less, resting and recharging my batteries. For the record, going slow and doing less is not part of my natural makeup. I am a DO-ER. I wear my to-do list, my productivity, and my busyness like merit badges. I don’t like to slow down. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that slowing down was exactly what I needed. When New Year’ Eve came around this year, I was already feeling post-holiday burnout and the upcoming Mercury Retrograde. So, instead of thinking up a grand plan and trying to implement big changes on January 1st, I chose to experiment and try something different. I wanted to honour the energy of winter and incorporate the five steps of transformational change. Step back. (Overview & Assessment) I got quiet and asked, “What is working well in my life? What do I want to let go of? What do I want to experience more of? How do I want to be this year? What do I really want and what is important about that?”I checked in, sat with myself, and made lots of notes. And, because the Universe knows me so well, I caught two back to back colds and one sinus infection in January, to make sure I did stop and reflect. I had no choice but to slow down, do less, rest, and allow more time and space to the process. AND I limited my list to five items: Financial health; physical health; following my curiosity; being in alignment with my integrity; and releasing shame. Let go. (Create Space) In order to have the change I want, I needed to create space for growth and change. Instead of trying to add more to a busy life, what did I need to get rid of first?Taking the time for this step, and following through, was not easy. However, the less I have engaged in “doing”, the easier it has been to let go of mental, emotional, and physical clutter. I’m inside anyway, so why wait for spring to clear out my space? Say yes to self. (Receive) By letting go and creating space, I now have room to receive what I need to support the experience or change I want. Think of it as creating a foundation. My foundation includes a morning ritual of meditating, journaling, hot water with lemon. It also includes taking a Get Out of Debt course to improve my money habits and working with a holistic practitioner to improve my health. Take empowered action. (Express)Being more contemplative and reflective instead of reactive is stretching my comfort zone, so I am splitting this step into two parts. This winter I will think about what I want my empowered action steps to be and then implement those steps in the spring. When I start to take those steps, I will be mindful to follow my own pace, not someone else’s agenda or timeline. Set up accountability. (Support & Stretch) I like to do things by myself, but having people in my corner that support and gently stretch me is a blessing. I am so thankful to have a money coach, a holistic practitioner, my Womentum group, and a coaching mastermind group to share my process and ask for help I need it. By trying this different approach, I am discovering why my past resolutions failed. I didn’t get clear as to why I wanted the change I wanted. I didn’t create space for the change I wanted. I didn’t create a foundation to support change. I didn’t have a support network. I tried to implement change in a season when my energy levels are naturally lower. I am working on being patient with the timing and with myself. I am also working on embracing the coziness and quiet of winter and be mindful and aware of when my natural habit of trying to do too much wants to take over. This winter I will look for the blessings and the light in the darkness, and remember that the days are getting brighter from here on out. Curious about how Katrein's new approach is working? If you enjoyed this post, you can find Katrein on Instagram @katreinr. In February, she will be doing a daily post of things she adores and appreciates. Katrein Ruehmland is a Master Certified Coach, Torch Songstress, and Clairaudient. To find out more, please visit www.katreinr.com & www.katrein.ca


Make Love to Your Life

Have you ever embraced someone knowing it’d be the last time you would see them? How was it different from all of the other times you had held them? I imagine you were fully present. I imagine you were fully aware of how your shirts touched and you could almost feel the fibres of their clothing through your own. I bet you could feel their heart beat in their chest. You probably noticed their own unique scent and can recall upon that very moment, in every intricate detail, whenever the memory of them crosses your mind. How are you living your life? Are you embracing every moment like it may be the last one? Are you fully present? Can you feel your lungs fill with air as you breathe; feel your heart pump life through your body? Are you living? Or are you waiting to take your last breath to fully see your life, your potential, your gifts, your gratitudes? I, for one, had been living my life for others. I’d put my own agenda and dreams on hold. I’d forgotten how it felt to breathe. I abandoned myself. And I did all without that deep, longing, forever memorable embrace. Luckily, I’m still here. And so are you. So, I’ll ask you (and myself) this... What is your dream? What big, small, puny, enormous, significant, stretchy scary step do you want to take in your life to make it memorable? What senses do you want to evoke in another when they think about you? How do you want to leave your mark? What are you waiting for? That blog you want to post, letter you want to send, relationship you want to leave, job you want to quit, job you want to get, course you want to take, man you want to ask out, woman whose friendship you are coveting, business you want to start, course you want to write, book you want to publish, poem you want to read out loud, weekend away you want to take, song you want to sing on stage, art you want to create,amends you want to make, prices you want to raise, client you want to fire, clients you want to hire, project you want to let go of, garden you want to grow.... Those things are waiting for you. With arms open, fully present, longing for you to hold them like this was the last opportunity you would have to do so. If you are present and intentional with your life, your life will hug you back. And it won’t let go. I dare you to, not only embrace your life in such a way that you will remember that moment forever, make mad passionate love to your life like it’s the last time. You know how that feels. You know how it felt to make love to that perfectly compatible partner the very last time. And... You know how it feels to clear off the countertop with one swoop of the arm, and have your lover throw you down and take you. Or vice versa. Harness that energy and watch what happens with your life. Go. I dare you. ~ In our last months of this season at Womentum, we are asking our members to name what it is that they most want to do to make a difference in their lives. It can be as small as a life altering phone call, or as big as packing up and moving to a new country. The goal is to have them step fully into their life, fully into their potential, fully into their fear and light their lives on fire. Please join us in doing the same. We’d love to hear from you. Tell us what steps you are taking, big or small, to make love to your amazing life ~


Promise to show up…for you.

I took a bit of a writing hiatus over the holidays; thoroughly enjoyed it, too! It was fun (albeit a bit disconcerting) to forget what day it was and sometimes, forget to shower. IT.WAS.AWESOME. I watched a whole TV mini-series in 3 parts, broken into 10 minute segments on Youtube. I wish I could hug whoever took one of my favorite book series and uploaded it for me, and thousands of others, to enjoy. I no longer have to look over at the VHS set I have and wonder “How the heck am I going to watch that now?” I went to Vancouver and ran around with my heart beating out of my chest with love for all the friends I got to visit with; phones off, no selfies, in the rain. I pondered. I slept. I wrote poetry. I cried. I cut energetic cords. I repaired a friendship. I felt amazing. I felt hopeless. I felt grateful. At one point, I found myself feeling REALLY alone. I mean really. I was alone, but I felt like I was facing the world on my own. Everything was my responsibility and I was giving, but not getting. And that sucked. At one point, even as recently as 2 days ago, I threw up my arms and said “F*ck it. I’m done being generous.” I realized that I expect others to step it up, stop complaining, make a plan, commit to themselves, commit to something, keep their word, walk the talk. And... I noticed where I wasn’t stepping it up, where I was complaining  a lot ( it was part of my “story” don’t ya know?), where I failed to plan, where I didn’t keep my word (mostly to myself) and where my walk could have been a little less “talk”. I have high expectations of people. I will fully have your back if you are willing to do what it takes to make your heart soar, or your tummy queasy ( in a good way). If you show up, I’ll show up too. If you take the leap, I’m there with a net (even though you won’t need it - you got this!) I have high expectations of myself. However, I rarely had my own back last year. I did what it took to make my heart smile, but not soar. My tummy rumbles were usually because I didn’t follow my instincts, not because I was taking an exciting leap of faith. At many times this past year, I often found myself feeling like others weren’t showing up for me. And then it registered that I wasn’t showing up for me, so there was no room or invitation for others to either. I have high expectations. AND I will always meet you where you are at. I will show up for you if YOU show up for you. And if my hope is that you’ll show up for me, I have to show up for me. Let’s agree to show up for ourselves and for each other. xo Lana Watch our blog next time with a contribution from Womentum member Katrein We asked her some important questions. Here’s what she had to say.... Have you discovered what lights you up? If so, what is it/are they? A few things light me up: Spending time with my husband and son. Singing, be it in the car or behind a microphone. Travel, adventure, and creativity. How are you currently bringing your passions/desires into your life on a daily basis? To bring my passions and desires into my life on a daily basis, I follow my curiosity and intuition. I also focus on remembering who I am by releasing, letting go, and doing less. Would you like to share one practice in your life that has invited positive results? Stepping back. It's so easy to get caught up in the negative emotions of a moment. Practicing stepping back helps me to be more neutral and present in my life. It has also helped me to be mindful of what meaning I am attaching to my experiences. Describe one of the biggest risks you’ve taken in your life. Slowing down, doing less, and letting go. I based a lot of my self worth on being productive and how much I could get done in a day. I judged and should-ed myself so harshly. I wore my busyness like a merit badge. What I learned was the more I slowed down, trusted my intuition, shut out the opinions/ approval/validation of others - so much abundance came my way. Doing less helped me to receive more. Moving from a state of doing into a state of being is a daily struggle, but it is getting easier. What impact do you feel you are having on the world? My desire is to lead by example, to walk my talk. To show that doing things differently from how it always has been done can be a path to personal freedom. That being myself means that I am different - and that's okay. Who, in your life, inspires you? How? I am inspired by the people I meet who want to be their truest selves, to want an authentic life - even if they haven't figured out what that is yet. They want to unplug, wake up, be present, dream big! I am inspired by their courage to go against "the norm", society, media, social media. Their commitment to focusing inward instead of outward is inspiring. What has been your greatest take-away from being a part of the Womentum community? That it's okay to be myself. Being myself will mean I will be different, somehow. However, I won't be judged, ridiculed or excluded. There are no cliques within the group. We appreciate each other for who we are. It's safe to express our truest selves without having to edit or revise. How do you manifest your dreams and desires from being instead of doing? My present is where I create my future. How my past is affecting my present, will affect my future. How I am being in my life makes much more of an impact on my future that what I am doing. Focusing on what I am doing creates a state of busyness for me. Focusing on how I am being in my life brings me closer to my desires and dreams.


Be Water

We were driving home from Canmore along the 1A highway’s picturesque winding roads. As we neared our home in Cochrane, my husband and I were both in awe of the ice jams on the bow river. We discussed how the ice looked like it had been churned into a frosty icing on top of the briskly moving water, some of which we could see charging east as we were driving. We marvelled at the power of water. The way it makes it’s own path when there is none. The speed in which it carries sustenance. The way it flows freely when it has no obstacles. It lives and moves without apology. Water is a force to be reckoned with. It’s life giving. It’s free flowing. Water is powerful. The human body is comprised of a large percentage of water. We are water. We are also human beings with the power to make our own path, when a clear route isn’t available. We carry life and sustenance, literally and figuratively. We have the ability to go with the flow, when we choose to. We are powerful. When you feel as though you can’t break through, or are having difficulty moving forward, take a deep breath and look around for a different path. It’s there waiting to be found. If you are feeling low on energy, or like you have nothing to give, surround yourself with water; drink it, bathe in it, sit near it. For those times, when the flow is good (and even if it isn’t) go with it. Go with the flow. BE the flow. Let it be easy. Enjoy the ride. Live your truth. Forge your own path. Without apology. Be Water.


Purposeful Work

This week’s blog post comes to you from Womentum member, Clarissa Khan, who we introduced you to last week through a Q & A  Purposeful Work A lot of people are searching for their singular purpose like it is a magical unicorn. With the hopes that when you find it, you will get the keys to the kingdom, all the wealth in the world will be yours, all of your challenges will cease to exist, and all will be well so you can retire and stop doing what you don’t want to, and live out your days in a blissful existence. This unicorn searching helps us to figure out what work we need to do to get us there, we start off with one concept or idea, then it turns into doing that work, then that other work, then this new work, never knowing which one is the best one to be doing or not doing. Confusing right? Do you meditate? Say affirmations? Spin in clockwise circles 16 times in a row? Follow Deepak or Louise? At some point someone you know has done something that has been labelled ‘The Work’ and has garnered them some level of success, so you will for sure try that out right? Because at some point ‘the work’ has got to work! It should be giving you positive results, you should feel better almost immediately, money should certainly show up in your bank account by the end of the day, you should be walking around like that blissed out hippy chick that you saw the other day, you should totally meet that really amazing guy who has all of the qualities off of your really amazing guy you’re manifesting list, your dream job should become apparent and the universe will bring you a job offer right away right? So why isn’t it? Why don’t you have those things? Are you worried you’ve done it all wrong and the universe just isn’t listening because you’ve asked for something you don’t want instead of something you do? I’ve been there too, it’s all part of it. It’s not bad or wrong to have those desires, I know you want all of those things, because I want them too, you aren’t human if you aren’t striving for or desiring them. 
But here’s the secret, the work isn’t about getting stuff or things, purpose isn’t about finding the most acceptable way to make money, having all of those external things in perfect place and order won’t bring you the fulfillment that you are actually seeking. You, my dear, are the work. You are your purpose. Say it with me now, I am the work. I am my purpose. What if your purpose was you? What if it was to uncover who you are, so that you may be your unique self and bring your ideas, perspective, and way of living, being and loving into the world? What if it was about BEING YOU INSTEAD OF DOING WHAT OTHERS HAVE DONE? What if your work was about you deciding how you want to be in the world? Does being a vegetarian work for you? If it does, great do that, if not, eat all the meat you want but do so without feeling guilty for who you are. Does sleeping until 10 am appeal? Or are you the 5 am rise and shine kind of person? Do which ever time feels good to you. You will never fit into someone else’s ideal life plan so stop trying to fit their life plan into yours. Instead, take what they do that appeals to you, then figure out how to modify it so it feels good to you, then do that. Devoting yourself to yourself is hard, it’s messy, it’s uncomfortable, it creates situations and new challenges that often don’t feel good or fun, but it is the only way to get to the wise and unconditionally loving part of who you are. Happiness and abundance can be a by-product of this, but it is not the way to measure the result. It also isn’t about finding the career that fulfills you, it’s about finding out how to feel fulfilled in life, it may require a job or lifestyle change, it may require you to find fulfillment in the job or life you didn’t think you liked all that much. The external world is here to challenge you, to teach you the most beautifully profound lessons that are sometimes wrapped in the ugliest wrapping paper, and to show you where you are not in alignment with yourself. It isn’t here to tell you what your worth is or is not, or how much you are loved, the more we work to have the external world validate us by bringing us shiny pretty things or fleeting happy feelings the further away from fulfillment we get. The trick is to begin focusing on the internal you, and seeking the validation from the inside instead of outside, we do this by becoming the work. I am the work. The work is my purpose. Curious about Clarissa’s work and purpose? Check her out at Omnia Wellness Clarissa Khan Sacred Holistic Healer & Intuitive Guide www.omniawellness.ca xo Lana


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